Growing up (and to this day), my parents put a tremendous emphasis on physical appearance, something I didn’t care nearly as much about. The second I gained an ounce it was “you’re getting fat!” or “you’ve gotten so big!” As a little middle finger to them, I subconsciously decided that I WOULD actually get fat. Funny, huh? I decided that their negative reinforcement should be responded with their worst nightmare: their daughter actually getting fat. I’ve been called fat by family members (and other people) since I was 115 pounds and in eighth grade. You never could win with them…so this was my pay back:
Over the course of about four years (my senior year in high school and my college graduation), I gained weight like crazy. I was as low as 123 pounds my senior year and by the end of it, I was 143. I went to college and over the summer worked out and ate healthy (or what I thought was healthy—Lean Cuisines, haha) and lost 10 pounds temporarily. For part of my first semester, I worked out semi-regularly and watched what I ate. Then I got lazy and I gained it all back as I could not juggle the drinking, classes, working out, and socializing. By the end of my freshman year in college I was back up to 143 pounds.
Then the summer started again, where drinking was even more prevalent than the normal school year in my college town. Most students only took two classes during the summer, leaving a lot more free time than usual. This meant drinking more often. By the end of the summer, I had crept up to 155 pounds.
During the school year, I would usually maintain whatever weight I ended during at during the summer (regardless of the fact I was binge eating). I would never work out, I was constantly tired/hungover, and enjoyed binge drinking 4-5 nights a week.
During my summer going into junior year, I gained another 19 pounds and got up to 174. This is when my binge eating really got out of control, probably because more and more people were starting to notice my weight gain and making comments about it. I subconsciously made the decision to keep on gaining weight (I didn’t want them to win, now did I?).
By the time graduation rolled around..I had gained another 23 pounds, putting me at 197. I hadn’t stepped on the scale in forever..and when I did..I couldn’t believe that it said I was almost pushing 200 pounds. But I still didn’t want to do anything about it. I still binge ate and I still treated my body like crap.
I was living in St. Louis by myself after a long Mardi Gras weekend (quite the party) of chain smoking cigarettes and binge drinking. I had decided I was going to quit smoking…something I had tried numerous times with no success. In order to do so, I knew I had to give up drinking as well. Drinking had always been my downfall when I would quit smoking cigarettes. I would be so good sober and then I’d get drunk and have “just one.” Eventually, after this incident happened numerous times..I’d end up with a pack the following day and sober me would have a cigarette sober. Eventually I’d go back to smoking full time.
I knew this time I had to axe the booze in order to be successful. To gather further incentive for me to stay quit, I called up my dad and asked him if he’d bet me that I couldn’t stay cigarette and alcohol free for Lent. He laughed, knowing how much I drank (remember, 4-5x a week in college) and how addicted to cigarettes I was (I had smoked for six and a half years, and for about three years of college I smoked a pack a day). He didn’t believe I could quit so much, he told me he’d pay me $20 a day for all of Lent to not drink or smoke (he NEVER thought I'd make it). If I had one cigarette or sip of booze, I got nothing.
Obviously for a broke recent college grad, this was a fantastic incentive. Not only that, I really WAS ready to quit smoking this time (I downplayed this to my dad ;). So I accepted the bet…to my dad’s surprise I went those 46 days cigarette and alcohol free (actually it was more like 60). I haven’t had one cigarette since February 14, 2010. I won roughly $1,000 AND saved SO much money on cigarettes during that time. Plus, I realized I really COULD go without cigarettes.
During these 60 days, there was a complete change in me. For the first time in my life, I realized what it was like to have high energy levels. I even worked out with my dad a couple times for the first time in years. After about a month of quitting smoking, I found SparkPeople (well, I started using SparkPeople, I had known about it for a few years)…which ended up completely changing my life.
Since I joined SparkPeople on March 9, I have lost 42 pounds (I’m writing this on August 3). I’ll get into how in later entries…but in the first month alone I lost almost 17 pounds. That’s how much I was abusing my body with terrible processed food/never working out.
I have decided since joining Sparks, I want to be a life coach and help people with their personal problems. This isn’t coming from someone who has been a size 2 their whole life or who has never smoked a cigarette either. This is coming from someone who had a serious addiction to cigarettes and has been obese before. You can do anything you put your mind to, that isn’t the question. The real questions you have to start asking yourself is WHAT put you where you are right now. Once you answer that, you will be well on your way to figuring out what you can do to better yourself.
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